I think we all know what lonely feels like—though hopefully not too well. Being truly or consistently lonely is harmful to your health; this is well documented in study after study. Alternatively, being a well-connected social being has been proven over and over to be a sign of emotional good health.
So why am I now advocating being alone? Because this, too, is healthy. Note that the caveat here is how being alone occurs and how you approach it. Choosing some alone time is fabulous for you. This is what you do because you matter to you. Being alone at times by choice is a way to discover yourself—your true likes and dislikes. It offers a way to learn a new skill or craft away from the scrutiny of others, a way to regulate your emotions and a way to recover from time spent with others where you, likely, chose to put consideration of the ‘other’ ahead of your own needs. The benefits are profound.
If, however, you feel that being alone is actually about others and not a choice you are making for yourself, this is NOT fabulous for you… at all. Some people find alone time intimidating because there is a lack of stimuli and there is no ‘other’ to manage your experience. If your focus, when alone, is on how self-conscious you are, or you feel judged or rejected, there is no benefit there.
This is not healthy thinking and, if you realize you are not approaching alone time as a choice you make, you may want to rethink it. Perhaps making ‘a date with yourself’ can be more positive with a plan for an activity that you really enjoy--a movie, a walk, a half hour at a café with coffee and a book… whatever will please you. Most certainly you do not want to spend your carefully chosen ‘alone time’ on your phone interacting with or reviewing posts from others.
Time alone can be restorative. It can build your confidence and make it easier for you to maintain boundaries, according to Emily Roberts, a psychotherapist, quoted in the New York Times. In addition, she said, it can boost productivity, engagement with others and creativity,
Clearly, it IS important to plan some alone time now and again. And you must commit to it as you would an appointment or a planned date with a friend. Don’t flake-show up for it! Cherishing the unusual benefits of being alone with your own thoughts, with no distractions, is another aspect of wellness, another way to improve your lifestyle, another way to learn and grow. So open your calendar and schedule a date with yourself now!